


remember when the sun came

by painfullystoic



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Ameera Ali Aziz (mentioned), Bullying, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Minor Character Death, Sexual Tension, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 22:06:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13866945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/painfullystoic/pseuds/painfullystoic
Summary: Written for theNuke Big Bang 2012.Art by carolinablu85Luciano Eduardo Grimaldi Snyder, the son of a noble man and a student at Carlton College, is forced to bunk with Noah Winters, a new student forced to enroll by his employer, Lord Colonel Winston Mayer, as a way to keep him away from a girl under his employ. Noah's lower-class birth causes problems at the school as he attracts unwanted attention from the bullies whom he refuses to let win. Luciano grudgingly befriends Noah, having admired him from afar for his bravery. But when Lord Mayer forces Noah to join the army, Luciano's affections are tried by the war that takes the world by storm. What will he do, and will they ever find their way back to each other?ton





	remember when the sun came

**Author's Note:**

> man. I've been meaning to transfer all my ATWT fic to AO3, but I've been so bad about it. Maybe this will give me a chance to do that. 
> 
> I loved the experience of writing this fic. And Ella did such a fantastic job with the art and the mix (the link to the mix has expired but if you visit ella's original masterpost, she has all the youtube videos embedded).

Luciano learned a long time ago to keep his head down, to stay out of sight and let the other boys do what they wanted to do. He had learned the hard way that mouthing off got you beaten up, and the headmaster would just turn a blind eye. "It builds character. Are you a man or are you a little girl?" he'd say.

Today, Luciano is sitting on the roof of the main school building, reading during recess, when he sees him -- the new boy. He is tall and gangly, looking like he's been picked up off the streets with mud smears on his face and worn out clothing. Luciano recognizes the man dragging the boy; he is a broad-shouldered man in military attire, carrying a cane that implies a certain amount of nobility -- Colonel Winston Mayer. Luciano has seen a portrait of him with the Board of Directors hanging in the trophy room.

Halfway through Prose with Professor Mason, Headmaster Wheatley interrupts them to introduce the new boy -- Noah Winters is his name. His cold blue eyes dart across the room. When they find Luciano they narrow, sending a shiver up Luciano's spine. He buries his head in the book they're supposed to be reading, but he  _feels_  Winters moving closer to him even though he refuses to look up. The chair of the desk behind his screeches across the floor, the jarring sound making his skin crawl. He can feel that cold gaze on the back of his head all the day and is relieved when the bell finally rings, indicating that it is time for supper.

Each form is seated with their masters; Luciano assumes that Winters will be placed at Polack's table considering that it was Colonel Mayer who enrolled him. Luciano winds through the beautiful, spacious mess hall and stops short, surprised to find Winters seated at his table.

He picks the corner farthest away from Winters and when he is seated, he sees a fight break out. Davis is a bully, and the teachers too are scared of the Davis’ power and influence. He often made a habit of testing the new students and asserting his dominance over them. He has Winters pushed to the ground and the anger in Winters’ cold blue eyes sends a shiver down Luciano's spine. He doesn't know Winters, but he  _does_ know Davis. This will not end well for the new boy, who seemingly has no fear for consequences. Kevin Davis had made Luciano's life at Carlton miserable. He isn’t sure why Davis targets him because they had once been friends. Luciano’s adoptive father had been best friends with Davis’ father, so they had been raised together and had become the closest friends. But at the end of their second year, Luciano had been kicked off the house's cricket team and, short of being tarred and feathered, he had been humiliated in every other way. A part of Luciano hopes that Winters has the stones to stand up to Davis and show him his place, but a bigger part of him worries about the repercussions of such an action for the low-born Winters. In that moment, Professor Hardy notices the commotion and comes towards them. Davis kicks Winters in the stomach one final time and walks to the washroom, his posse following suit. Luciano lowers his head and hunches over as they pass by his table with sneers on their faces. 

When supper is over, Luciano returns to his dormitory. The room could hold 6 boys, but the top bed of Luciano's bunk has been vacant since halfway through the first term of their 3rd year. Davis liked to bully Luciano’s bunkmates, driving them to change their room assignment or withdraw from the school. Since there were rarely any enrollments in the middle of the term, the bunk had been temporarily occupied for three terms and vacant for another three. After two years, the Marshal, aware of Luciano's tumultuous relationship with the Davis boy, took pity on him and stopped assigning him bunk-mates. So when Luciano walks in to find luggage sitting at the foot of his bed, his eyes widen -- Winters has been assigned to be his bunk-mate, and that doesn’t bode well for either of them. He climbs into his bunk and covers his eyes with his arm as he waits for Winters to get back to the room.

* * *

Noah enters his assigned dormitory expecting Snyder, his bunk-mate, to be waiting with a list of arguments to convince him to move to another bunk. But the blond boy is fast asleep, face down in his pillow and snoring softly. The other boys in the room look at Noah warily as he climbs onto the top bunk. The Marshal had explained the situation surrounding the Davis and Snyder boys, sounding apologetic as he explained that a jump in enrollment meant there were no other vacant beds in the hall. The bunk he had been assigned meant that Noah would be bullied until he found a way to leave.

Noah had lived on the streets for most of his life. His mother had been a maid for Colonel Mayer, but when times were tough she had been a whore, a profession that Colonel Mayer himself had taken advantage of. During these phases, Noah had often been beaten by many of his mother’s suitors before a growth spurt had made him taller than them. Before he was put in the colonel's employ, a few years working as a builder’s assistant had made him lean and muscular -- he was much stronger than he looked. His mother’s death had forced him to work for the colonel. The work was hard and the colonel was often cruel, but Noah grew closer to one of the maids at the mansion, finding her presence comforting.  When the colonel discovered the relationship, he had been furious and enrolled Noah at the school in order to separate them. Ameera was nothing more than a friend and Noah strongly suspected that she, like him, was one of Colonel Mayer’s illegitimate children.

  
Noah had not expected to go to school. His mother had thought him to read and write, and he worked very hard to keep it up, but going to school was a luxury he couldn't afford. Eventually, he would have had to join the army and die for his country in order to survive, but going to school gave him options. Being the bastard of a wealthy nobleman had perks he hadn't considered. A few rough patches were only to be expected. There was nothing Davis could dish out that Noah hadn't already handled tenfold.

As the marshal comes around to announce lights out, Noah’s musings turn to the maid who had become his only friend over the course of his life. Eventually, he drifts off to sleep.

* * *

He and Luciano have been bunk-mates for a week, and Noah has been to the infirmary almost every day. He fights Davis fiercely, and Luciano secretly wonders if he has a death wish. He wonders if he should maybe talk to Noah about keeping his head down, but they have perfected the art of dancing around each other, forced to live together as they are.

One day he finds Noah in their room with a split lip, eyes wet but determined as he searches for a handkerchief. Luciano holds one out to him. "I'm sorry. If you weren't my bunk-mate, they'd leave you alone."

"No, they wouldn't,” Noah says, taking the handkerchief gratefully. “Bullies need people to bully. And I'm not going to give into them and roll over. No offense. I've lived with bullies my entire life. I know how to deal with them."

And just like that something in their relationship shifts. Noah begins to talk to him more.

* * *

It's been months since Luciano and Noah have been bunk-mates, and while their friendship started off as a tentative thing, it has grown into something much stronger. They often stay up late into the night whispering to each other, or pass notes in between classes, aware that if Davis knew of their friendship, it would make things much worse. Luciano lives in constant fear of Davis and while his interaction with Noah has helped, he is now more afraid of what Davis will do if he finds out about their friendship.

Luciano is returning home from classes one day. When Luciano reaches the room, he can hear a scuffle inside -- three boys are shouting and the pained groans of another can be heard rumbling from the crack under the door. Luciano walks across the hall with purposefully loud footsteps, like the Marshal does,  then runs off to hide. He watches from his hiding spot as Kevin and his minions rush out of the room and down the hall, then runs into the room, heart pounding in his chest.

Noah is lying on the floor, clutching his stomach. There is blood at the corners of his mouth and Luciano drops to his knees beside Noah.

"Oh my God, Noah! Are you okay? What have they done!? Oh God! HELP!" He puts his hand on Noah's side and turns him onto his back. Noah's pained groan has him moving his hands to Noah's face. He cups Noah's face in his hands, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs, trying to get him to focus on anything. "Noah! Noah, can you hear me? Look at me. Noah?"

Footsteps thunder down the hall. He hears a gasp; someone is pulling him away from Noah and he struggles to stay. The Marshall is carefully examining Noah and assessing the damages. He sends one of the boys in the gathering crowd for the doctor and a stretcher.

The sound of Luciano’s pounding heart drowns out the noise around him. He focuses on Noah -- the way his breath stutters as it leaves his body, the hitch when he tries to breathe in, the way his eyes refuse to focus on anything, including him. Concern and worry ratchet his heartbeat higher and higher. When blackness starts invading Luciano’s vision, he is only mildly surprised before everything goes dark.

When Luciano wakes up in the infirmary, it is dark outside and the moon is shining brightly. He looks around the room, but he is the only occupant. He wonders if Noah was taken to the hospital and if he is okay. He remembers the way Noah looked, bruised and bloodied, and it makes him lose his breath, as tears begin to roll down his face.

* * *

Noah is brought back to the school's infirmary the next day and Luciano visits him so that they can work on their lessons together. Noah's right hand is in a cast and he has gauze wrapped around his torso and head.

  
“Davis was expelled,” Luciano says ineffectually.

  
“I know.” Noah raises an eyebrow and tilts his head to the side. “You’re acting strangely.”

  
“I am not!”

  
“You are, but it’s okay, I don’t mind. I’m glad you’re here.” The silence that follows is deafening, and Luciano can’t decipher the expression on Noah’s face. He feels the weight of his previous worry settle in the pit of his stomach.

  
“I was so worried,” he whispers, head bowed down.

  
“I’m right as rain, Luke. Davis and his goons didn’t do any worse damage than my fath-- than other people have in the past.” He lifts Luciano’s face up by the chin. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. I promise. Luciano sniffles and nods, breaking away from Noah’s grip. He bends his head down and works on their homework. Noah looks at Luciano for a few minutes before doing the same.

  
When they hear angry yelling coming from outside the infirmary, Luciano decides to go investigate the source of the commotion. Just as he reaches the door, Colonel Mayer strides in, face purple with anger. Noah is struggling to sit up, wincing when his ribs are jostled. Luciano starts walking towards him to assist, but Noah glares at him before shaking his head.

"You insolent little whelp!" Colonel Mayer yells. "What have you done? Are you a girl? Getting beat up by that pansy child of Lord Davis? You're a man. It's about time you started acting like one. You will --"

"Master --" Noah looks up, eyes wide and scared.

"Do  _not_  interrupt me, boy!" Colonel Mayer spits the words at Noah, face snarled in disgust. "You will behave. I am not sending you here so that you can just play the fool. If you are going to be living off my money, you best well believe that you must act like you're more than your unfortunate birth! You will stand up for yourself and you will not act like some  _damsel_  in distre --"

"Colonel Mayer! Noah was --" Luciano is shocked to hear his voice leave him without permission, but he is shaking with a silent fury that is barely contained.

"Who are you?" Colonel Mayer looks momentarily thrown but the look of disgust quickly returns to his face, this time directed at Luciano.

"Luciano Eduardo Snyder, sir!" Luciano raises his head haughtily. "And Noah was outnumbered four to one, and even then, you should see the other boys!"

"Who are you to intervene in family matters? You inbred imbecile." Colonel Mayer is moving towards him, hand twitching, but Luciano refuses to be intimidated.

"Sir, I am of noble blood, I will be spoken to with respect. Your title and service might give you nobility, but it is my blood that sits on the throne. You will not disrespect me." Luciano says, surprised that his voice is as steady as it is. Colonel Mayer hesitates, giving Luciano a once over and huffing in annoyance.

"I will speak to you later, Noah," he spits as he storms out of the infirmary.

"I didn't know you're of noble blood," Noah says, eyes wide.

"I'm not, but I doubt your father knows that." Luciano laughs. "I was terrified he was going to strike me." He moves closer to Noah, hand skimming the bandages on his torso.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Luciano whispers. Noah's eyes flutter closed when Luciano's fingers skim the edges of the bandage on his head. Luciano can feel his cheeks heat, so he pulls his hand away and turns to leave. "I'll come see you tomorrow."

Luciano half expects Kevin and his goons to be in his dorm, waiting to beat him up. Instead, he finds the Marshal.

"He's been expelled, Snyder," the Marshal says, patting him on the back. "As have the other boys involved in Winters’ assault. I just thought you'd like to know."

"Thank you," Luciano whispers, and it feels as though a giant weight that he didn't even know was resting on his shoulders had been lifted. The Marshal pats his back again and leaves. He slumps down onto his bed and pulls out the journal that has cataloged his life at Carlton. He opens it to a new page.

* * *

Since Kevin's expulsion, things had been much easier for Luciano and Noah, and people had begun to notice. The few who had known him saw Luciano smile for the first time in the duration of their acquaintance. Others began to notice that Luciano existed, and it was strange to be talked to in the hallways. But the best part about Kevin's expulsion was the smile on Noah's face. Noah’s smiles came more frequently, and the anger that often tugged his lips downwards in a frown had largely dissipated.

It hurts like a swift punch to the gut when Luciano recognizes the feeling that accompanies Noah’s smiles. They had been sitting at the mess table talking about motion pictures and Noah's smile seems to light up the whole room, leaving Luciano breathless.

"I snuck out and saw Casablanca when it came out in January. It's how I ended up here, Colonel Mayer caught us." Noah smiles fondly at the memory, "It was wonderful and it made me want to make motion picture films."

Luciano barely hangs on to the conversation, his eyes dart to the bow of Noah's lips, the slant of his nose, his eyes that are so blue you can't help but want to drown in them.

"Luke?" Noah waves his hand in front of his face and he startles. "Are you okay?"

"What? No, I am listening to you blather on about the way the something was when Ilsa something or the other. See? I’m paying attention." Luciano shrugs and Noah narrows his eyes, suspicious.

"Why did you sigh?"

"No, I didn't." Luciano's heart is beating so fast. Has he been caught? What will Noah say? Will he hate him? What if he tells someone?

Noah must sense his panic, because he puts his hand on Luciano's elbow. "I don't believe you, but if you don't want to tell me, it's okay."

Luciano isn't panicking anymore, but his elbow tingles where Noah's hand was and his heart is still racing. He shouldn't feel this way. Noah is a man; he doesn't have Jade's sharp features, or Zoe's ample curves. He is all straight lines and lean muscle. The thought sends a shiver down Luciano’s spine and he curls into himself. He feels as though the whole room is staring at him; like they all know his secret, like they're all judging him and telling him that he's going to hell with the disgust in their eyes. He pushes his plate away and scrambles off the bench.

"Luke?"

Noah's eyes are wide and worried, and Luciano cannot bear to look at him. He turns around and runs to the bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror.

"You're an idiot!" He yells at his reflection. "Are you crazy? You're not like that! You can't be like that. Damian will kill you himself!" He punches the wall and cries out as pain laces through his arm and brings tears to his eyes.

"Luke!" Noah's grabs his hand and pokes at it. "What are you doing?" Luciano looks to the ground and doesn't answer.

"What happened? Did I do something?" Luciano's head snaps up and his eyes meet Noah's. He looks sad and Luciano can't believe he's the one who put that look on his face. He shakes his head. "What happened, then? Because we were talking about Casablanca and all of a sudden you got quiet, started hyperventilating and then you ran away?"

"Noah... I can't tell you." Luciano closes his eyes, his head falls back against the wall and a tear slips down his cheek involuntarily. "You couldn't understand."

Noah looks at him sagely and nods before his thumb catches the tear. Luciano gasps at the contact. "Let's get you to the infirmary so that we can get that wrapped up," Noah says, gesturing to his throbbing wrist.

* * *

Ever since he realized it, the sparkle in Noah’s eyes makes Luciano's heart skip a beat and the twitch of his lips sends it racing, as though he's been running a marathon. If Luciano thought he wrote too much in his journal when he was always sad, it hardly compares to the amount he's writing now that he's in --

"What are you doing?" Noah whispers, head sticking over the side of the bunk.

"Hmmm?" Luciano hums absentmindedly as scribbles the words in his head into the journal.

"I asked what you're doing!" Noah fidgets.

"Oh, nothing." Luciano looks up at Noah's upside-down head and giggles before schooling his features into a grin. Noah grins in response and flips off his bunk. He sits down on Luciano's bed and bends his head to read the drying ink. Luciano closes the book over his fingers. "Oh! No! You can't go around reading people's private journals. It’s unacceptable!" he cries out. Noah grasps the book and tries to tug it out of Luciano's hands.

Luciano struggles hard, pushing at Noah's larger body with all his might, trying to topple him off the bed. He laughs as Noah's hands brush along the sides of his waist and he squirms, trying to get away from the wandering fingers while simultaneously trying to tuck the book under his torso and out of reach. Noah, knowing Luciano's weakness, attacks him, digging his fingers into his side, wriggling them in an effort to get Luciano to turn over. He is straddling Luciano, tickling him with one hand and tugging the book with the other. When he turns around, they're so close their noses brush together, and Noah can see the way Luciano's eyes widen. Luciano is blushing, cheeks tinged red with a healthy flush, his mouth opens on a gasped intake of breath, lips moistened with the saliva of his tongue as it sweeps across his lip, and his hair is in disarray. The sight of him makes Noah's breath catch in his throat. Noah’s eyes dart down to Luciano’s wet lips, and when they dart back up to his eyes, they are wide and scared. He wants to lean down and press his -- he shakes his head, in an attempt to dislodge any ill-informed ideas that attempt to take up residence in his head. He stares for a long, lingering second – and as suddenly as it began, the spell is broken with the noise of quick footsteps running down the hall. He clambers off of Luciano and out of the bunk, aware of what it would look like if someone were to walk in, and he runs his hand through his hair.

"Will you ever let me read your words, Snyder?" Noah asks, eyebrow raised and mouth quirked to one side. Noah only calls him ‘Snyder’ when he's trying to make light of a situation and Luciano isn’t sure how that makes him feel, so he just shrugs.

"Probably not," Luciano replies softly, sitting up and hugging his journal tightly to his chest.

"Oh. Okay." Noah sighs, and Luciano can hear the underlying sadness in his voice. He watches silently as Noah climbs in his bunk and pulls the covers over his head, attempting to hide away from the world and his own racing mind. Luciano hides his journal in his pillowcase just as a couple of the other boys come in. There's still about a half hour until lights out, but Luciano is just as eager as Noah to pretend nothing had happened.

* * *

"Letter for Winters!" the Marshal calls out at the end of the mess.

"Here, sir!" Noah cradles the letters to his chest. Although Luciano cannot see who it is, from the way Noah blushes when the boys tease him about a girlfriend, it isn't hard to come to a fairly accurate conclusion. He turns away and runs up to his room.

When Noah lets himself into their shared quarters, Luciano can see the neat cursive of Noah's name on the envelope he holds, loopy letters that are reminiscent of his sisters' love-letters to imaginary lovers; the pang of homesickness takes him by surprise and he lets out a little sigh. His eyes dart to Noah, hoping that he hasn't heard the pitiful noise. He is not so lucky. Noah's eyebrows furrow, the only tell that he’s concerned, and he looks up at Luciano questioningly.

"Who is the letter from?" Luciano says quickly, with one raised eyebrow.

"Nobody."

"Liar. I could see you blushing at the door when the Marshal handed you the letter."

"It's from a friend. I met her at fath -- _Master Mayer's_  house. She was a servant there when I arrived.” The joy in Noah's eyes makes Luciano's heart sink a little. It isn't that he had any hope, because the way he feels about Noah is wrong. Unnatural, even. If anyone ever found out he would be hanged, drawn and quartered. But the hopelessness that comes in knowing that Noah's heart is already spoken for is isolating -- it isn't rational, but matters of the heart rarely are.

He wonders if Noah ever thinks of the night when they had almost kissed. He figures it was just the feeling of a soft body pressed against his own, rutting against his own, and his cheeks heat up at the thought of them pressed together tightly from chest to thigh, rocking with each other. He turns around and pretends to rummage through his bag for a textbook, afraid that Noah might catch him half-hard and longing.

* * *

There's a part of him that knows he shouldn't be jealous of Ameera- that he shouldn't care because Noah's supposed to be into girls. And so is he, but he can’t shake the thought of Noah’s body pressed against his out of mind. He tries to distract himself, so he sits in his spot on the roof, watches the boys playing cricket on the field before pulling out his journal.

“Luke?” Noah’s head pops up from the hatch. “What are you doing? I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

“I’ve just been sitting here.”

“Is everything okay?” Noah’s eyebrows furrow and Luciano wants to move closer and brush the frown away.

“Yes.” Noah doesn’t look convinced. He climbs up and settles down next to Luciano. “I wish I hadn’t told you that this was my secret spot.”

Noah looks hurt and the corners of his mouth turn downward. “Do you want me to go?”

Luciano puts his hand on Noah’s forearm, halting his movement to stand. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I -- I’m glad you know, and I want you to be with me always, but sometimes, I just need to get away. And anyway, don’t you have a letter you should be writing?”

“Oh. No. I don’t write letters. I’m not good with words.” Noah settles down next to Luciano, reassured, and stares out at the boys playing cricket.

* * *

It's funny how quickly spring break arrives when you're having a good time. After years of isolated loneliness, Luciano finally has a friend, someone he hopes will always be in his life. His feelings for Noah are stronger than they've ever been. He knows he's going to have to snap out of it soon; when he's done in June, he will have to marry. He's royalty in Malta, and it is his duty to procreate. The thought leaves a bitter aftertaste on his tongue.

"What's wrong, Luke?"

"Eh? Why would you think something’s wrong?"

"Your face! You look like you've been sucking on lemons."

"I just don't want to go home. My father's probably going to parade me around like a roast suckling pig. 'Come, ladies, have your pick!' It's going to be a disaster!" 

"Better than going back to whippings and manual labor," Noah muses unhappily.

"You should come visit me for the break."

"Master Mayer wouldn't allow it. Besides, I'll get to meet my friends at home. Now let's go get drunk with the boys down the hall.

As strict as the Marshal is, he lets the boys have two nights per term -- the night before spring break, and the last night of finals. The older, more reckless boys in the class manage to sneak in enough alcohol for the entire hall to get inebriated. Someone else snags the record player from the sitting room and soon enough Glen Miller is crooning songs while the boys drink and sing along. Luke is sitting in a corner, looking out at the boys he grew up with but never got to know. He smiles up at Noah, who hands him a cup of whatever random assortment of alcohol had been mixed together. Their shoulders bump as Noah settles down next to him and hums in approval.

"It's been a good few months," he whispers, smiling.

"Yes, because having the living spirit kicked out of you is so good." Luciano snorts into his cup and looks at Noah, one eyebrow raised. Noah is looking at Luciano with this fond look that sets Luciano’s heart racing. He gulps down a sip of the acrid liquid, coughing at the bitterness. He wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. "What is in this?"

"Who knows!" Noah shakes his head and downs the contents of the cup in one fell swoop, so Luciano follows. A half an hour later, they're three cups in and rather spectacularly drunk. Most of the boys are stripping off their clothes,  talking about running across campus naked, and Noah looks like he's drunk enough to join them, but when he goes to stand up, Luciano just pulls him back down beside him. There are a few boys passed out around the room, in various stages of undress.

Luciano stands up slowly, using the wall for support, "We should go to the lake. Nobody's going to be there, and the sky is clear..." He looks out of the window. "And it’s a full moon." He wiggles his eyebrows at Noah and there's the fond look again, so he shakes his head and tries to pull Noah up on his feet.

They run down the stairs hands still clasped together and laughing. Their troubles melt away as they race each other. The night seems full of possibility and wonder and they haven’t felt so carefree in years. They can hear the other boys’ laughter echoing across the field, but they’re too intent on their own destination to care or stop to listen. They stumble into a tree, laughing into each other’s necks when they hear someone yell something about costuming the weather vane on the roof. Eventually, the voices grow distant and faint, and Noah just follows Luciano as they stumble their way to the lake.

Luciano sprawls out on the grass and smiles at the sky while he is vaguely aware of Noah arranging himself next to him. They are pressed up against each other, shoulders to toes, and the solid warmth of Noah is comforting.

"This place is so beautiful and calm," Luciano whispers, staring at the sky, counting stars. "I can't believe we have to go home for a week. I wish I didn't have to go back. I'm sure father's going to try and set me up with Zoe Finn, again. I swear, I think she and her brother are incestuous with each other." When Noah doesn't respond, Luciano turns his head to see if he's been listening.

Noah turns over on his side. "I wasn't lying, you know. This has been the best few months of my life." He presses his forehead against the side of Luciano's head. Luciano's heart is racing, he's gasping little breaths. "You're the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me."

Luciano doesn't know what's gotten into him, but he's moving forward and pressing his lips against Noah's. Noah stiffens next to him before relaxing into the kiss, pressing Luciano back into the grass as they lick into each other’s mouths, fingers tangled in each other’s hair. When they're out of breath, Noah pulls back and sighs before flopping back onto the grass, arms crossed under his head.

  
They don’t say anything, but the air between them is rife with unspoken implications. Luciano touches his lips, still tingling from the kiss, and grins. His fingers reach for Noah’s hand and twine together with his.

* * *

They don't say anything to each other the next day. Luciano doesn't know what to say. He kissed Noah. If anyone found out they would be imprisoned, if they weren't killed by the angry mob first. But he doesn’t know how something that feels so right can ever be wrong. He looks at Noah from the corner of his eye, and he looks grim. Luciano isn’t sure if it is because of the kiss or the fact that he’s going back to the Manor. While his quietness is not uncharacteristic, Luciano feels like he’s going out of his mind. He wishes that Noah would say something.  _Anything_. They still maneuver around each other flawlessly as they go through their morning ritual, but there is a sense of urgency in Noah’s movements.

Eventually, they are carried away by the crowd and they lose track of each other, until the moment that Luciano is getting into his father’s car.

  
“Luke!” Noah shouts, and Luciano turns around to see Noah yelling from the roof. He looks at him for a second before climbing into the car and rolling down the window. Just as the car starts up, Noah nods at him, and Luciano has a grin on his face the entire ride home.

* * *

Spring break is a drag. It's been five days and Luciano misses Noah fiercely. He's started several letters that have now been turned to ash and finished a few that have been locked in his study, key safely secured in his shoe. He doesn't know how to send them to Noah -- how to confess the depth of what he feels for him without it becoming suspicious. Just the thought of never seeing Noah again leaves Luciano devastated, and he isn't sure his heart can take any more scares with regards to Noah.

Faith and Natalie are nattering on about the sewing projects that their mother had started them on, when Luciano's father, Damien, walks in with Zachary and Zoe Finn and ushers the girls out. Holden is standing at the door with a disapproving look on his face. He shoots Luciano an understanding and supportive smile when he catches his attention. It is awkward and Luciano isn't sure what to expect when his father sits down next to him with an expectant look.

"Miss Finn is here to see you, Luciano. Maybe you should take her out for a walk in the gardens?" his father says after a few moments of awkward silence. Luciano gives his father an incredulous look before standing up and offering his arm to Zoe.

They're in the garden for five minutes before Zoe pulls him into a corner and kisses him. Luciano flails, unsure of what to do or where to put his hands. He pushes her away with his forefingers against her shoulders and slides out from where he's trapped against the wall.

"What are you doing?" Luciano sticks his arms out in front of him to keep her away, walking backward as she gets closer.

"What do you think I'm doing? I want you to marry me. I want your name and your money, and you're going to give it to me." Zoe has this wicked gleam in her eyes and it terrifies Luciano.

"No, I am not! Why would I marry you? You used to kick me when we were children, and then there was that one time you pushed my face into horse dung. I'm a gentleman who was raised never to hit anyone, so I was defenseless. You're not someone I would ever marry, and this is one thing I will not be bullied into. In any case, Jade Prewett and I have an agreement."

"Your  _cousin_  Jade?"

"Yes. Oh, don't look at me like that, she's my fourth cousin- it's legal. Jack Forester, on the other hand, saw you and Zachary, who is your brother might I add, having a nasty party of your own behind the pub the other day. I'm sure if my father knew of that, he'd never try to foist you on me."

Zoe huffs and walks away, and he laughs in relief.  _Good ol' Jack Forester!_

When he walks in with a smile on his face, however, his father is raging. "What have you done, Luciano! You were supposed to marry her, but instead, you say you have an agreement with Jade?" He cowers as his father stalks towards him, fists clenched at his sides. It wouldn't be the first time his father had hit him, nor would it be the last. Holden's intervention is the only thing that stops Damien from breaking his nose.

He returns to his room sore, his only consolation the fact that in three days he'll be back at Carlton with Noah and far away from this family that will never understand him. He berates himself for it, because his step-father has been nothing but kind to him -- he's been more of a father than Damien has, and he doesn't deserve that disrespect. But Luciano has always felt more than a little out of place.

* * *

Luciano's been back for four hours and Noah has yet to show up. He's pacing the length of the corridor wondering what's happened, looking at the clock every few minutes as though staring at it will make it go faster. At lights out, he lays in bed wondering if Colonel Mayer had withdrawn him from the school. Luke is barely clinging to the brink of consciousness when he hears their dorm room door open and sees a silent figure crawl into the bunk above him.

When he wakes up and sees Noah's things, he jumps on the top bunk in excitement, but the groan of pain has him gently pulling the blanket that covers Noah. He looks terrible. There are bruises on his face and it looks like he's been in a boxing match all week. His knuckles are bandaged and his left eye is swollen shut.

"What? Noah, what  happened?" Luciano's fingers are fluttering over Noah's face, carefully caressing so as not to cause pain.

"Nothing," Noah croaks, sleep-rough voice sending a shiver down Luciano's spine.

"Noah --"

"Get off me, Snyder." The glare Noah sends Luciano's way has him scrambling away, hurt.

Much later in the day, when Luciano is outside by the lake, writing in his journal, Noah apologizes. He stands over Luciano, blocking out the sun with a sheepish grin on his face, and Luciano can't help but forgive him. With an easy smile, he pats the empty space next to him.

"He's my father, you know," Noah whispers conspiratorially after a few minutes of silence.

"Who is?" Luciano asks distractedly.

"Colonel Mayer." Luciano turns over to his side, to face Noah. If there's shock on his face, Noah misses it because he’s staring at his own hands that are pulling grass in fistfuls from the ground. "He said he'd legitimize me."

"What?" Luciano's eyes are wide, he sits up on his knees and grabs Noah's hands, stilling their compulsive movement. "That's wonderful!"

"He wants me to enlist." Noah doesn't look up at him, and his shoulders slump further. "I don't want to join the army. But if I don't, I stay a bastard forever. He beat me when I told him I didn't want to join and I'd do anything else."

"Oh, Noah!" Luke cups his face between his hands. "You can't go to war! You don't need him to legitimize you. You're wonderful just as you are!"

"I can't get anywhere with my name, Luciano!" A single tear slips down his cheek and onto Luciano's hands. He shakes away from Luciano's grasp. "I joined the army yesterday. It's why I was late coming back. I start at the end of the term."

"No. No, Noah. Listen to me." Luciano grabs his arm. "You don't have to do this." He is ashamed of the way his voice wavers but he's on the verge of losing his best friend and the only person he's ever loved. "Don't do this. I can't lose you. I love you," he whispers, pleading.

"I have to, Luke. I have to." He puts his hand over Luciano's, giving it a brief squeeze before he pulls his sleeve out of Luciano's grasp and walks back to the dorm.

The rest of the semester is confusing. Luciano and Noah are still close, but Noah never lets Luciano get too close, always holding him at arm’s length and keeping a certain distance. Sometimes it makes Luciano want to drag him into a broom closet and snog him senseless, and other times it makes him want to punch some sense into Noah. But by the end of the semester, he knows one thing -- he won't be kept away from Noah if he can help it. Luciano's step-father is surprised when Luciano tells him that he's joining the armed forces as a medic. He is reluctant to let Luciano go, but Luciano refuses to change his mind.

When he calls Noah at the base to tell him, Noah is furious. “Why? Why would you do something so idiotic?” he yells.

“I know that chances are low, but we could be placed in the same unit. I’m only going to be a medic!” Luciano pleads.

There is silence on the phone and the static buzzes loudly in his ear. “Luke -- what are you trying to prove?”

“I just want to be with you. I don’t care about the rest of it. And I know you feel the same way!”

“No. Luke. Luke -- listen to me. I joined the army so that my father will legitimize me. What do you think will happen when he finds out about this? How do you see this happening, Luke? We’d be hanged for it.” Noah’s voice is strained, but the words still sting.

“You don’t mean that. We’ll find a way.” Luciano pleads. When Noah doesn’t reply he continues. “I’m not going to give up. I won’t. I am going to fight and I’m going to come back and I know you will too because even though the last few weeks of term were tense, I know you feel the same way I do. I know you love me just as I love you. So I’m going to write to you. Whenever I can, and I know you won’t write back, but that’s okay. Because in the end regardless of where we are, we will be together because nothing,  _nothing_  in my entire life has ever felt so right, and I will fight for that.”

Noah’s voice is soft and tired. “Luke,” is all he says and the line goes dead.

If Luciano cries himself to sleep that night, nobody needs to know. But, the next morning, he packs his things and sets off for camp.

* * *

Training is hard work and there isn't a day that he doesn't miss Luciano. He sees the other boys and he sees them make friends, but Noah's heart isn't in it. He goes through all the exercises and activities with a brave face. He's determined to make it back alive, so he trains harder and faster than any other cadet on the base.

Noah was never a man of words; that was always Luke’s area. So while he never writes Luciano any letters, Luciano writes him several. Each one is on the verge of falling apart, having been read so many times. He is angry when he learns that Luciano had enlisted, and the fact that he is training to be a medic doesn't do anything to diminish the fear that fuels the anger. He tries to write back to Luciano, but somehow the words seem insufficient. Everything he writes sounds too insincere. So the only letter he writes Luciano has eight words -- 'I've been assigned to the 153rd Infantry Brigade.'

It's when they get their first assignment that Noah meets Lieutenant Commander Reid Oliver. Oliver is a few years older than him. He is a brilliant leader even though he usually tends to go into things head first. He's a little hot-headed and quite full of himself, but he helps Noah become the best soldier he can be. He isn't sure how it happens, but one day Noah thinks that Oliver is a complete jackass and the next he is Noah's friend. After that, they are practically joined at the hip.

Oliver is with Noah when Luke's latest letter comes in and he gives Noah a questioning look when Noah pockets the letter without opening it. Later, in Noah's bunk, they're talking about the end of training and what that entails. The conversation lulls, unsurprisingly, and Oliver tips his head to the side, a curious expression on his face that Noah cannot decipher.

"Who was that letter from?" Reid points to Noah's breast pocket, face deliberately void of emotion or judgment.

Noah panics but calling on years of schooling his features to a calm stoicism, Noah lifts his hand and touches his pocket before shaking his head. "Hmm? Uh... nobody important." 

"It looked important." Reid presses his lips together to form a thin line.

"Well, it wasn't." Noah's eyes dart down, and he doesn't raise them to make eye contact again.

"Is it the same lass whose letters you keep re-reading?" Reid pushes.

Noah tilts his head to the side, contemplating. "... Yes?"

"It's not a lass, is it?" Reid has Noah by the shoulders, trying to keep him from turning away. 

Noah backs away, shaking off Reid's grip on his shoulders violently. "What?"

"The letters, they're not from a girl, are they? I saw the postmark, they're from a base like this one and as far as I know, there aren't any girls on those bases." Noah panics, he isn't sure what to do or what to say, and his eyes dart to the door behind Oliver. "No. Calm down!" Reid puts his hand on Noah's shoulder. "I won't tell anyone." Noah looks at him warily, but his shoulders slump in defeat. "I won't tell anyone because I'm like you." Noah's eyes widen as they meet Reid's. "His name is Anthony. He's back home taking care of our farm and both our parents while I'm at war."

"Luciano. He joined after I did. I think he thought we might get assigned to the same unit. But he was wrong, and now I'm here and he's there and I can't protect him." Noah sits down on his bed heavily, hands pulling at fistfuls of hair in frustration.

"Is that why you don't write back?" Reid sits down beside him, always a comforting presence.

Noah twitches, shame and guilt filling him up and making him feel like he is drowning. "No. It's because I don't know how to put down what I want to say in words."

* * *

Training is grueling. Whatever Luciano expected it to be, it is a hundred times worse. Luciano is training with the infantry during the day, going over and under obstacle course after obstacle course, but towards the evening, when his body is so tired he could fall asleep standing, he is sent into a classroom with fifteen other men to learn the basics of medicine. By the time dinner rolls around, Luciano can barely stand, but he still spends an hour each day carefully crafting letters to Noah. Letters that he hopes sound platonic enough to never give them away but emotional enough for Noah to know exactly how he feels and how much he misses him.

Some days he wishes that Noah would write to him, and even though he resigns himself to the fact that Noah will probably never respond, he can't help but feel that flutter of anticipation whenever the mail comes through. He lays awake after writing his letter and stares at the ceiling wondering how Noah is faring. Whether or not he's talking to the other men at training, or if he's being his silent, broody self and sticking to his corners and his thoughts. He wonders if Noah lays awake at night and thinks of him just as Luciano does, or if he's just a passing thought. He can't bear to think that Noah never thinks of him, and just a fleeting remembrance makes his stomach hurt and his arms miss Noah ever so much more.

When he finally gets a letter from Noah he's ecstatic. But all it says is 'I've been assigned to the 153rd Infantry Brigade.' Nothing more, nothing less. He hasn't been assigned a unit yet, and while he hopes he'll be on the same unit as Noah, he's well aware that the possibility of that happening is very low and it makes him sad.

It's almost two months into training when he gets his assignment. His unit is on another base so he and his fellow infantrymen are transported to the new base the very same week. It's a three-day trip and while he'd been fairly anti-social during his stay at the camp, it is hard to do that when you're in cramped quarters with nine other men. By the time they reach camp, they are all friends and know about each other. Luke can't help but feel like a fraud because he doesn't share his biggest secret with the men who have basically bared their souls to each other. He knows some of their deepest fears and regrets; he knows Reggie is terrified that he won't come back home to his family and Tony is scared that his younger brother would follow in his footsteps and his parents would be left alone with nobody to care for them. He knows Mark's girlfriend is pregnant, he found out in her last letter to him, and he wants to quit so that he can take care of her and the baby, but he feels that if he did they'd think less of him. But he also knows that they wouldn't understand what he feels for Noah.

Luciano's biggest shock, however, comes when he arrives at camp. It's his third day on the base and he's at the far end of the field when he sees him. Luciano avoids him like the plague for the rest of the week, but when he least expects it he barrels straight into Kevin Davis. Davis is just as shocked as him, and his eyes widen in surprise before his lips are tugged down into a frown.

"Snyder!" he exclaims.

"Davis, look, I don't want any trouble. I'm the RMO for this infantry, I just want to do my job and then go home to my family." Luciano raises his hands in front of himself defensively before trying to step away and around Davis.

He is stopped by the hand grabbing his arm, and he jerks in surprise, pulling away with wide eyes and holding his arm close to himself. "Sorry!" Davis' voice is soft and pleading so Luciano nods at him once. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for bullying you through school. I'm sorry for being a total prick, and I wish it had been different. I wish I could take it back. We were friends once. I hope we can be friends again someday." He nods at Luciano again before continuing on his way, leaving Luciano staring at the empty space he vacated.

Luciano doesn't tell Noah about Kevin Davis. But Kevin seeks him out on the base. His friends look at Kevin suspiciously and are always milling about when he shows up. They know of his and Kevin's history at school and are protective of each other. Eventually, Luciano and Kevin become friends, they talk about the bullying, Kevin's expulsion, and his life after that and how he had been forced into the military so that he could redeem himself. Kevin is always apologetic about his actions and eventually, Luciano's group stops being as protective and welcomes him into their fold -- a fold that has only grown bigger the longer they stay on the base.

* * *

They've been marching and camping for weeks without any conflicts. The locals seem friendly and hospitable enough; some of them come and stand outside their houses as they pass by with the wagons. They don't say much, just stare without judgment in their eyes, giving curt nods every once in a while. They understand. There's a sadness everywhere, a solemnity that is mildly disconcerting and Noah wonders if it’s his imagination, but everything seems muted and grey. It's almost as though Color woke up one morning and decided to leave because the world was too dark and unhappy. Yet, when they walk through a decimated town, the crimson blood is definitively real against the snow or splattered against the gray stones of a house. It is jarring.

It's on these days, these cold winter nights where the soldiers huddle together for warmth and stare up at the sky, looking for stars where there are none to be found -- on these nights Noah thinks of Luciano. His bright brown eyes twinkling with stars, hidden from sight by smoky fog. His golden hair glinting in the sunlight, so beautiful spread out on the grass beneath Noah’s roaming fingers. He wonders what Luciano is doing at that very moment, whether he is staring up at the sky as Noah is and thinking about him. He wonders what corner of the world he's in and if they're sharing the same days and nights.

He is so used to the monotony of routine that when the war hits them, he is not prepared at all. None of them are.

* * *

It hasn't been easy. They've been fighting constantly for almost three weeks. His infantry division is half as big as it used to be, but he cannot afford to grieve because there are men that need his attention. He is tired and he's covered in mud, blood and all sorts of other bodily fluids. Their supply of medicine is running short, and Luciano prays to whichever God will listen that they get some respite.

Eventually, reinforcements come and Luciano can breathe again. He cries as he washes off the mud and blood that is caked on his skin. His hands are the only part of him that isn’t filthy because he has to clean them often to prevent infection.

They are transported by van to the nearest ally hospital. For the first time in weeks, he can rest his weary head, even if the only sleep he gets is fitful.

They're sent back to Britain after that, assigned to a different infantry, and it is much easier. They're not in a war zone so it is quiet and peaceful, even though at night, when he closes his eyes, he sees the faces of the men he couldn't save and others he didn't get the chance to. He carries his death letter in a metal case in his breast pocket. It is something that the older soldiers told them about -- their final letters to their loved ones. His is addressed to Noah. He hopes they'll never have to send it.

Sometimes, he sits on the edge of the roof like he used to at Carlton and tries to write about the things he's seen. Most days, he spends his time staring at the horizon, thinking about Noah. He hopes that Noah, wherever he is, has an easier time out there in the war.

* * *

He's in the trenches, his hands shaking as he writes the note that he's going to put in his pocket and hopefully never send. He looks over his shoulder at the battlefield and can see the explosions silhouetted against the night sky. He needs to go fight alongside his fellow-brigadiers. They've all got their gas masks on, and they're moving forward in the haze. There are people frothing at the mouth and convulsing, people who didn't make it to their masks in time, and he knows better than to stop and check on them, so he keeps moving forward, his rifle held up high in his arms and ready for combat.

By the end of the day, they've lost about a quarter of their men including their RMO, and Reid radios for help. They get word a few hours later that the nearest unit will be there within the day, but when Reid turns to tell his men, the weariness in their eyes has him stumbling over lies that promise they'll be there soon. There will still be a battle to fight the next day. The men murmur to themselves, and Noah's never seen Reid look so lost.

"If anything happens to me, I want you to send my letter, Noah," Reid says, eyes solemn and looking anywhere but at him.

"What?"

"Promise me. Promise me you'll send my letter." Reid clasps Noah's hands. "Please promise me."

"I promise." Noah lets out a startled breath before continuing. "And promise me you'll do the same for me."

Reid gives him a grim look. "I promise."

The next day is chaos. Everyone is fighting their hardest, and Reid keeps checking in with the other unit. They are a few leagues away when all hell breaks loose. There is blood everywhere. Noah can't hear anything with the ringing in his ear, but he can feel one of his brigadiers grip his shirt. Reid is gesturing to him wildly as he runs towards Noah. Sound rushes back to him almost painfully when he's knocked back, his vision blurring. Reid is handing him something and he grips it with all his might.

* * *

They're at a base camp on the western border of Germany when he gets the letter. He's surprised but holds his hand out for it. He expects a letter with pretty cursive letters and flowers drawn in the margins from his sisters, but the familiar scratch of Noah's handwriting sends his heart aflutter. He wonders why Noah would write to him out of the blue. It takes all his patience not to run to his bunk and tear open the letter because lunch is served in the mess hall and his friends are dragging him along behind them.

It is almost sundown when he finds time to read his letter, and he sits out in the field watching the sunset on the horizon. His heart races as he tears the seam, pulling the dirt covered letter out of its envelope.

_Dear Luke,_

_When we parted ways at Carlton, I said things I didn't mean and I wanted to apologize. There are so many things I need to apologize for. I didn't understand when you followed me into the army and I ignored you. I never replied to your letters even though you never ever stopped sending them. You are one of the best men I know and I am so glad to have known you. Please know that I have thought of you every moment I've been here and I wish I was there to protect you from harm’s way. We're in the middle of battle and I can hear the gunshots and bombs bursting out on the battlefield, but I needed to write this letter before I go out there._

_I will fight with all my might so that I can come back to you, but if you are getting this letter, I'm sorry that my effort was not enough. I wish I could take back the last few months of our time together and make it as glorious as the night by the lake. Know that the thought of you is what has kept me going through all of this. I hope that you find happiness in your life because that smile is worth a thousand suns and all the stars in the night sky. I wish I could be more reassuring. I wish I could say that I'll meet you in heaven, but with my luck, even hell might lock its gates on me._

_I love you, Luke._

_Forever yours,_

_Noah_

When Kevin finds him, he is crying and Kevin just pulls him into a hug, not asking any questions and not expecting an explanation, and it is a testament to how much he's changed since his expulsion.

* * *

It's been a few weeks since he got Noah's letter. He can't focus anymore. No matter what any of the boys do, Luciano feels like he's just walking through life as an empty shell. He doesn't eat unless someone reminds him, and he often finds himself wandering away from the campsite. He can hear his friends whispering about him whether or not he's around, and he can feel their stares every time he moves. 

The RMO in the unit they joined is a quiet, religious man who often comes to sit with Luciano and ask him if he wants to pray for anything. Luciano never says anything to Elwood, but he closes his eyes and clasps his hands and hopes that Noah finds peace wherever his soul goes. Occasionally, he seeks out Elwood, and the RMO sneaks Luciano some morphine so he can sleep at night.

The commanding officer has been planning this attack for weeks,  but even after knowing about it beforehand, Luciano feels like a zombie. He looks at the man charging towards him and drops to his knees, gun on the ground. The man stops short and looks at him questioningly before Kevin is charging at him. Luciano looks up just in time to see the Nazi shoot Kevin, and it propels him into action. He grabs his gun and stabs the man before continuing to fight. Luciano takes a bullet to the knee and collapses, the pain blossoming through his body. He lies there and stares at the sliver of sky visible through the mass of bodies surging around him. He thinks of Kevin, knows he must help if he can, he crawls closer to his friend.  But life has already left Kevin’s eyes, and Luciano chokes on the sob that is stuck in his throat before he passes out.

* * *

The last thing he remembers is Reid's voice screaming at him to "take cover!" before searing pain sent him into darkness. He can see the battle in his mind's eye – can see his fallen brothers-in-arms. He remembers snippets; he remembers feeling Reid hand him a letter as his breath left him. He remembers people carrying him and shouting and he remembers the searing pain in his head.

He blinks, trying to clear the darkness from his eyes, but it refuses to go away. He squints, pressing his eyes closed tightly and trying again.  _What’s going on!? Am I blind! No, no, no!_  He's panicking. Women are shouting and arms are holding him down. When he calms down, taking huge gulping breaths, he can feel the bandages that are wrapped tightly around his eyes.

When he comes to, he can hear someone shuffling about nearby. “Hello? Is someone there?” he croaks out, and his head is lifted as a cup of water is placed at his mouth.

“Small sips,” a kind voice says, and he obliges -- it burns and soothes at the same time.

“What happened to me?”

“You were brought in about two weeks ago with burns on your face, but the doctor didn’t see any trauma to your eyes. They’ll take the bandages off tomorrow, and localize the burn treatment.”

Noah nods his head.

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” When he doesn’t reply, he hears the nurse move.

“Wait-- there was a letter--”

“Oh yes, we weren’t sure if you wanted to send it off or not, so we put it with the rest of your effects, Commander Oliver.”

 _Oliver?_  His hand reaches for his tags, but come up empty. Noah is confused, but instead of correcting the mistake they’ve made, he says, “There should have been two letters. Was there one addressed to a Luciano Snyder?”

“I’m sorry, we just found the one letter, sir. I can check who it was addressed to if you’d like. If that’ll be all, I have to get to the other patients. I’ll make a note on your chart to make sure your bandages come off tomorrow.”

The letter was addressed to Anthony Robbins, so Noah assumes that his letter had been lost on the battlefield. He asks the nurse to send it out at the first available opportunity.

* * *

The doctor is very focused and he preps Noah with instructions on how to open his eyes and take care of his burns. He then carefully unravels the bandage, and a few minutes later Noah is sitting with his eyes closed, waiting for the doctor to turn down the lights.

“You can start opening your eyes now, Commander.”

Noah slowly opens his eyes. He doesn’t feel the flash of pain that the doctor said he would. “I thought you said you’d keep a few lights on, doctor,” Noah says when his eyes are open.

“Commander?” Noah feels rough hands against his chin and he hears the doctor sigh.

“I think you might be blind,” the doctor says matter-of-factly.

“Very funny, doc, you can turn the lights on now.” Noah can feel the panic building inside him.

“I do not make jokes, Commander Oliver.”

“No.  _No_.” Noah can’t breathe, he is hyperventilating and he can feel hands grabbing him and pulling him. There’s a prick, and everything goes hazy in his mind.

* * *

The pain shooting up his right leg is what wakens Luciano. The nurse says he has been unconscious for three days. They also tell him that when he's better, they will be taking him off duty because his leg will never heal completely and he wouldn't be able to keep up with the troops. Luciano is partly relieved and partly terrified because he doesn't want to go back to his family. He wishes the battle would have taken him so that he could be with Noah again.

As time progresses he is slowly being dragged back into the world of the living. The physical therapy has been painful and tiring, and he just wants to be done with everything. His nurse, frustrated with his apathy, lets him leave early one day. Luciano is limping irately towards the mess when he sees him. At first, he thinks it is a trick of the light because it  _can't_  be him -- he got a letter telling him it can’t be him. But it is. It’s him. Noah, his sweet,  _sweet_  Noah is sitting at one of the mess tables, eating. Luciano’s heart races and his stomach feels like it’s in knots as he fills his plate quickly. He doesn’t know if he should approach him. What if it isn’t Noah and it  _is_  just a trick of the light. Steeling himself, he sits down across from Noah, waiting for some sort of response. Apart from a curt nod, there is no recognition.

"You okay there Reid?" A nurse passes by and rests a hand on his shoulder.  He tilts his head in her direction.

"Yes. I could go for some more pudding though, I think I deserve it."

"Reid?" Luciano's mouth moves before he can stop himself.

"Uh, yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't get your name."

"I'm... I thought you were someone else. I thought --" Luciano's voice breaks with emotion.

"Luke?" Noah's head tilts to the side.

"It is you!” At first, Luciano’s heart leaps for joy, but it quickly turns to fury. “Why didn't you say anything? All the while you kept staring at me as though I wasn't really here." Luciano's anger grows at the cruel prank and his voice grows louder.

"I'm blind!" Noah's voice cuts through his haze and he deflates quickly.

"What?" Luciano reaches out to grasp Noah's hand.

"I'm blind. They don't know what happened, and I can't remember. They think it is trauma caused by the blast."

"But I got your letter. It said you were dead." A tear slides down Luciano's cheek as he remembers the day he got the letter.

"Oh."

“Oh? That’s all you have to say? I received a letter telling me you’d died, and you say ‘Oh.’”

“No, I mean-- when I found out where I was, I’d asked about the letter and they said they hadn’t found it on me. I figured it had gotten lost on the battlefield. I didn’t know it had been sent to you. I don’t remember much about what happened that day.” Noah worries his lip.

"Why did the nurse call you 'Reid'?"

"Reid was my commanding officer. He was a friend of mine, and he’d asked me to deliver his letter to his family. When I was brought in, it was the only piece of identification I had on me, so they assumed I was him. I didn’t bother to correct them, I figured it was probably better if I was dead. I sent Reid’s letter to his family three months ago. Wait, why are you here? Are you hurt? What happened?" Noah's grip tightens on Luciano's hand in worry.

"I'm fine. Took a bullet to the leg. I’ll be in pain until the day I die, apparently. Nothing  _too_  serious." Luciano rubs his thumb over the back of Noah's hand and Noah sighs.

"I can't believe you're here. I can't believe I can't see you." Noah whispers, leaning closer, and Luciano squeezes his hand tighter.

* * *

Luciano and Noah meet each other every day. They walk together after Luciano's therapy, and the nurses think that Noah's uplifted spirit seems to be helping his recovery. It’s been three months since they met when Noah starts seeing again. He can see only shadows at first, but a week later he can see colors even though they are incredibly blurry. Luciano's leg is healing slowly, and he can walk a lot farther than he used to be able to.

* * *

It's the middle of the night when the alarms sound, startling Luciano out of bed. His mind is still clinging to the edge of sleep, but the commotion quickly brings him to consciousness.

“Attack! It’s an attack!” He hears someone yelling to his left. “Everyone needs to get out now!”

He grabs his crutch and hobbles towards Noah's room while the nurses and patients panic and run in all directions. He can see Noah using the wall to guide him and he tries to get to him faster.

"Noah!" he yells and Noah lifts his head in acknowledgment.

"Where are you, Luke?" Luciano grabs his forearm and pulls him close, dropping a crutch in the process, but they let it go as they scramble to get outside.

He can feel the panic building around him, but Luciano is strangely calm. He pulls Noah to a corner of the staircase, and Noah follows easily.

“Luke! We need to--" He presses his mouth to Noah's, effectively cutting him off.

“It’ll be okay,” he says, fingers curling under Noah’s chin and pulling him in for another kiss. He can hear the blasts, and it is terrifying, but Noah clutches Luciano closer, pressing Luciano against the wall as people hurry by them, frightened for their lives. At that moment, it doesn’t matter whether they live or die just as long as they’re together.

\--- Epilogue ---

 

The cottage is small and a little run-down. A few leagues outside the village, the children often stop by to get a drink of water or plunder the berries that grow in the garden while on their epic adventures to the hillside. The two men who live there aren't unfriendly even though they like to keep to themselves. Everyone in the village knows they fought in the war. When it ended they had left their old lives behind and settled here, built a garden and in the process stolen the heart of an entire village.

"Noah! I have the milk that you asked for." Madison says as she opened the front door and lets herself in.

"Maddie! I thought you weren't coming out for a few more hours." Maddie recognizes Noah’s disheveled look as he limps into the living room and blushes. It's not a fact that the men hid from people; the village-folk know they are lovers. But the reminder that it had been hard-learned for her brings color to her cheeks. He is cavalier about her misguided kiss all those years ago, but it still makes her feel slightly silly. But she'd been so blinded by his looks and his careful, genteel manner that she missed the heated looks that would fly between the two men. But they had introduced her to Casey, a young man in their employ whom she'd married a few a years ago, and they could not have been happier.

"I'm sorry. I should have sent word with Allison's children when they made a round up here," Maddie says, ducking her head to hide her blush from Noah.

"No, no, it's quite all right. If you don't mind waiting for a little while, I'll go gather the fruits that you'd asked for." Noah hobbles over to the back door just as Luke walks out of the bedroom door, a grin on his face.

"Maddie! How are you doing?" He leans over to kiss her cheek before bending down and cooing at her heavy belly. "When are you going to town next?"

"Next week. Casey was supposed to come by and ask you if we could borrow your car."

"Of course! Anything for the baby... which reminds me, I made something for it. Just give me a minute." When Luke returns, he hands her a hand-bound book. "For when you need to read it to sleep."

"Oh, Luke, this is wonderful. Thank you so much." Maddie smiles, rubbing her tummy.

"Maddie, here you go!" Noah hands her the bag with the fresh fruit from his garden. Maddie kisses both men on the cheek before she heads towards the door and back to the village.

Luke follows her to the door and sighs as she disappears from his line of sight. Noah wraps his arm around Luke's waist and kisses his neck. Luke grabs his chin as he pulls away, pulling him into a chaste kiss. Luke relishes the kiss because even though they've found a home in a place where people accept them being together. Noah has always been wary of the fact that who they are and what they mean to each other is not wholly acceptable in the eyes of most and he often shies away from any public declaration of their love even though he never actively tries to hide it.

"Come to the garden with me?" Noah whispers in his ear and he nods in acceptance, taking Noah's hand within in his own as they meander slowly to the garden.

He settles in the chair that has been set up specifically for him in the middle of this paradise of a garden and pulls out his notebook while Noah settles himself on the ground to work. The children come by a few hours later, rallying them together to beg for stories about the war, and they indulge them, Luke bringing out cookies and lemonade while Noah tells them tales about Luciano, the angel who brought him back to the light, an indulgent grin directed at Luke who had long forgone his given name for fear of being found.

In the evening, long after the sound of children's laughter has faded away into town, they laze in the bathtub curled around each other, sighing kisses exchanged between words of love and adoration. And at night when they lay together, staring into each other’s eyes or spooned tightly together, fingers interwoven, they sleep. No nightmare of war, or fallen comrades or the disappointed faces of their fathers who left bruises in the wake of their anger.

There are days that are bad and nightmares that overwhelm, of days when pain from injury make them bitter and caustic, but they find a way to make it through. It isn't perfect. But then again, nothing is.

* * *

Art by carolinablue85 that is not within the body of the text:  
  
[](http://www.sendspace.com/file/tcgypb)  
[Download the mix here](http://www.sendspace.com/file/tcgypb)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please leave me kudos and/or, better still, a comment. <3


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